Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
