i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize