I've blown a few things in my day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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