I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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