So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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