i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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