people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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