You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
