every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
