trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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