hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
