Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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