Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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