Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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