Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize