I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
