my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
