I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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