god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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