just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
