What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Randomize
