I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
where am i from again
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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