Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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