I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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