My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize