so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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