4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
