Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
tell me about the fingering
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