i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
