Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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