I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
zippers are such a cool invention
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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