I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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