dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
