I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
