I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
