she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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