Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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