you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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