i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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