i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
