is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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