Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
