That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
