no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
