what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
