There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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