currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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