No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
