I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
