I'm really into asian looking animals
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
