She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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