Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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