I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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