I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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