So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
did you just send me my own nude
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