in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize