yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
