I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize