im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
