He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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