I want to walk on stilts...naked
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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