You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
bring money and cleavage
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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